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| I suppose I'll make this my last post before I am no longer officially a child. In about 2 hours I will be 20, I will no longer have the excuses of youth and my teenaged years. I will be considered quite adult and 'old' by most teenaged standards. It's odd because I know almost everything will be the same but I also know that expectations from stranger's will be greater and that I move ever closer into being really recognized as adult. It's also strange for me because I still feel like some sixteen year old kid who is absolutely ignorant of the world and all it has to offer. Granted, at sixteen, I felt myself quite knowledgable and I was, admittedly, very naive to think that. Four years later I only feel slightly more enlightened but much more dumb because of all that I have found out and all that remains to be known as I continue walking this path of life. It makes me sad that I cannot go back and tweak bits of my life nor will I ever regain my youth (yes I am perfectly aware that 20 is still quite young, but not THAT young). I lament it. I do have regrets over things done and not done and I wish I could change them, just like every other person, I feel these changes would have affected my life's outcome drastically and for the better. However I cannot. So I guess now all I can do is take everything in stride and try to be a better person wrought out of all of my regrets and to make an effort think things through more clearly. Although I still yearn for my past, I feel I'm thinking about things much more lightly, and I feel as if all is not lost in terms of my future. I suppose that's all I can do, really, is to keep moving forward with a positive outlook. | | |
| So it's a quarter past 2 in the morning and I'm not at all tired. I have my drawing class in ~7 hours buttt because I live a ways away I have about 6 hours of sleep. I don't think I'll go tomorrow. Just pull an all nighter or some shit. Guh I hates it.
I'm tired. tiredtiredtired. Not sleepy tired but just tired of everything. I just want to get this college bullshit over with. I want to have been able to go from high school straight to my dream job. All of this feels like such bullshit, like such a waste of time. But I -know- it's not because I don't have any of the skills necessary to equate to my dream job. It feels like I'm just treading water, like I'm learning to swim when I already know the basics. I want to be taught the real stuff, get to the meat of it. Not beat around the bush. I wish it were set up in a way that, hey, you want to work for x company, or do this for a living, and you'd go get hands on learning. You'd go intern for them and they'd teach you- give you real life situations, not hypothetical ones from a text book. Early in the morning I truly want an ideal world- where everyone really DOES want to progress and really does want to help the next generation and NOT just find the cheapest way to turn the greatest amount of profit. I'm so tired of learning. NO, not that. I'm tired of learning how to learn. I want to go out and do stuff. I want to be 22 and graduating and knowing everything and having a job. I'm completely over college. It's like a lonlier, over-hyped version of high school. I don't feel like I'm gaining anything of value. At all. Everything I'm doing I've been knowing. The stuff that I've learned is now deemed useless in light of my polar major change.
I think college is turning me mediocre. No one to compete with. I miss that about high school. We'd all compare grades and have passive 'who gets the highest on what' competitions. It was a motivator. I am a slacker by nature. I have been knowing this. Without any perceived -need- to excel, being mediocre is just as good. I'm tired of being 'just'. I want to be in advanced placement, with people I feel I belong with on an intellectual level. People are nice, but, as much as I love him, Alan is 1 of 2 intellectual fonts I have in my life right now. I need more. I'm tired of meeting just nice people. I'm tired of guys hitting on me. Every seemingly decently tolerably intelligent person I meet ends up feeling like all of their knowledge is fake. Like it was all gleaned off of 4chan or some shit and then they just nod their heads when I speak. I don't do this to toot my own horn- I've met some genuinly intelligent people. Which is why its so easy to spot the fakes and the lack of true intellects in my life.
But I cannot do any of this while being just. Which I feel no need to try and rise out of. Although I hate it and see it and want to rid myself of it. God I hate metacognition. It's a bitch. Ahahaha. | | |
| Very exciting things going down in Azeroth. Really badass and a nice send off from The Burning Crusade to concentrating on Arthas and his plague in Northrend. I'm recalling all my beta memories as all this goes on and it all is truly epic. As much as all the QQ of 'zomg can't level my toon bcuz all da npcs are zombiess!?!?one!' I'm really happy Blizzard did this. The Burning Crusade was all about introducing new characters and not so much the lore. WotLK is truly the lore nerd's wet dream. I'm really excited and cannot wait for Nov. 13~ | | |
| So I finally told my mom I wanted to change my major. :o She took it really well. She's like 'You can do whatever you want to do' But then I think it began to sink in that this may not be lucrative or whatever. I think it's also because she can't grasp what I want to do. It turns out it is very difficult to explain what 3-D rendering and animation is to someone who learned how to check their email a few short months ago. >_> So now she wants me to go to a career counsler.... bah. It's like... I know this is truly what I want to do. Ah well, either way. I need to go talk to some counslers and have my schedule made and have my major worked out for me for *hopefully* my last semester at UNO since they don't offer my major there.
I finally left my old guild. I felt kinda sad and guilty and stuff. I'd been with them for a really long time and they were my -first- real guild that didn't require me being Alan's girlfriend for membership. But they really didn't progress, which is what I want. They attempted Kara, couldn't really do it so everyone was sort've resigned to the fact we wouldn't raid until the Great Equalizer of Wrath came out since it's now obvious alot of people are interested in casual raiding there but did not have whatever means to gear up. Which I didn't quite understand considering, at the time, I was trying to craft my FSW whileee leveling tailoring [Alan crafted the spellstrike set as a "Happy 70" gift for me and it wasn't until then we realized I needed to be a tailor to wear them... awa the FSW). Was as painful as it sounds.
Howeverrrrr... all that guilt was erased last night when I was able to go to TK and get my T5 shoulders! *squee* Those have to be my favorite piece of armor in game. Well, next to the Malefic hood and Voidheart Crown (only helms I'd ever let show on Xan!) awa hunter's Gronnstalker set shoulders. I also respecced her to affliction. I realllyyy need to work on spell rotation. Especially last night, I messed myself up since alot of the mobs there are immune to life draining effects. Also, memo to self, discuss who does what curses with other warlocks beforehand. We were all out of sync [or, rather, in sync] because we all kept putting the same curses up. Haha. It'd be like alll CoE or alll CoA. Also, who kept banishing triangle even though I was assigned to it? akdjasj; CONFUSING. RL tells me not to banish triangle then somebody else does? D: Wasn't me, I promise!
Mmm. I have a bio midterm today. I sortaaa studied for it last night after the raid. I'll study more for it in the two hours between my english and bio class. Luckily it's on a server maintenence day so I won't have the slightest temptation. I also have to work on my art projects tongiht... they're due tomorrow. :o My guild was going to run Kara during art project time. Boooo. Ah well. Priorities etc. It'll all get replaced in Wrath anyway, so it's no use getting an up only to have to spend gold to socket them. Also, 4700g toward my epic flyer. >< I'm getting the purple wyvern. :D | | |
| Yeah, so life is going decently. I need to change my major... soon. I also need a new job. Current job only lets its employees work one day a week [because there's enough of us]. While I asked to ONLY work Sundays, it's really not working out. $20 for a sheet of ten parking stickers + the gas it takes me to get from Kenner to NOLA + taxes being taken out... leaves me with... not too much money per check. It's starting to become not worth driving all the way out there even though the job is $9.50/hr. But I only work 9-4:30 most days. I wish I could get a job in that tiny little plaza type thing by my house.... everything there closes at 5 and I won't have to go through NOLA, Metairie AND Kenner traffic to get home in an hour. I don't think they're hiring though. Well, none of the shops at least. :/ My mom babysat for the baby of a mom that works at Sweetpea, this designer store for baby clothes. Well, not necessarily designer, just expensive as fuck baby clothes that are not realy cute. Sadly, she owns part of it [along with a friend] and wants to get herself established first, before hiring anyone new. Also, I'd have to take care of my appearance because of the type of clientele that goes in. Something which I slack alot on. A job at UNO would also be good. I can work after classes/in between class and, from what I see, most of the work is not that difficult. I saw a notice in the financial aid office saying they take walk-in job appointments sooooo I think I'll go to that later if my mom doesn't need me to pick up Christina. Tomorrow would probably be better though, since my drawing class only lasts til 12:15 and I have all day. ~
Origa is almost 45. *squee* It makes me so sad that warlocks are not really changing and shamans are getting gimped. The two classes I've ever had the most fun playing are essentially useless in wrath. Warlocks are getting buffed, it seems, for a level 70 world... when everything will be level 80. And, lol, I visited the rogues beta forum and those motherfuckers are still QQing. "But the 10K mutilate is a lucky hittttt and it takes half our energy so it's perfectly ok for it to take >50% of most players healthhhh" FUCK YOU ROGUES I CANNOT WAIT TIL THEY NERF YOU BUT THEY WON'T BECAUSE BLIZZARD LOVES MELEE
As a premade lock in pvp gear I have a little more than 15K health, 16K with the imp buff. Yeah, ok, totally balanced game u guize. Locks really get the shoirt end of the stick in xpac, it seems. Yeah they're buffing us but... not a whole lot. As a destro lock it's really the worst. Affliction locks are excited and demo locks are semi excited but also sort've miffed because everything is being built around metamorphsis. I also don't get why Blizz treats locks differently from mages... MOAR DOTS. We're really just mages who like the color black? While I knowww for a fact mages needed to be buffed up, they're so friggen OP right now. I'm excited for my boyfriend [he's excited too] but I'm just sort've left with a feeling of... Well where's mine? I have shadowflame, which is really just a gimped cone of cold [shorter range and narrower] and this teleport spell that, while it could be useful in pvp, and that is barellyyy as I don't believe you can escape from snares, is just plain retarded to me.
There seem to be alot of issues in the warlock community that have been presented but the devs haven't so much as acknowledged that they exist. With the xpac just about 6 weeks away, I'm really starting to become hopeless that they will ever be resolved and that, what we're looking at is essentially the finished product. I feel like it's too late to make any BIG changes like warlocks AND shamans need to make them balanced. I'm loving Northrend and all, don't get me wrong. It's beautifully rendered. But that will wear off eventually. And what will I be left with? The same warlock, ten levels higher. Nothing new added, just a couple stat points from leveling and the ability to turn into a demon. I'm still having to spam shadowbolts in raids and pray that the person I'm figting is just that retarded. | | |
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